Ugh, I remember when I first stumbled into the world of Tolkien’s Hobbits—warm hearths, good food, and all that homey jazz. You know, they’re like… the kings of cozy? Right. So when I heard about “Tales of the Shire: A Lord of the Rings Game,” I thought, “Finally! A game that gets it.” Except, well, it kinda flops. Hard.
So, the game’s set between “The Hobbit” and “The Lord of the Rings.” It kicks off with Gandalf doing his thing, and Tolkien nerds—I’m one, too—will catch a bunch of nods to the books. You roll up as your very own hobbit in Bywater, which honestly sounds like a footnote in Hobbiton until you start getting sucked into the drama of making it official or whatever. Any quests? Yep, a bunch of run-around tasks where you chat up locals, cook some grub, and rinse-repeat. And when I say Bywater’s small, I mean it’s like those twisty-turny IKEA showrooms—confusing as heck but oddly charming.
Cooking is a big deal here. You grow stuff. Pick plants. Basically turn into a hobbit version of a master chef. Sounds cool, right? It is, mostly. But it all funnels down to cooking meals for folks, and then BAM, you watch the same cutscene as they devour it. Thrilling. Or not. I mean, isn’t eating their identity? But here, you never get hungry, which feels super off-brand for a hobbit game if you ask me. It’s laid-back, sure, but almost too laid-back. Nothing goes wrong, and nothing really asks much from you. It’s kind of like those peaceful games where you’re supposed to vibe but end up snoozing instead.
Days pass like they do in life sim games, letting you cook, farm, fish—you name it. Characters have schedules. Shops open and close, and if you stay up too late, you’ll sleep in kinda late too. But that’s about it for consequences. Early game? I just wandered around, waiting for bedtime because I ran outta stuff to do. Weird, right?
The game’s on Switch, which is cool since a lot of us are still clinging to our Switch 1s. Graphics? Meh. Something about those hobbits feels off—not in the quirky, lovable way either. The frame rate struggles like it’s jogging through mud, especially on the original Switch, but the fancy Switch 2 can’t fix everything. I even saw this freaky red sky bug, maybe just a Switch 2 thing. The darn game kept crashing every 20-ish minutes, and I got so paranoid that I saved after every little thing. So frustrating!
“Tales of the Shire” could be so good. It’s a fantastic idea on paper, with charming writing peeking through. But man, right now, it’s like they served this awesome meal with no seasoning—barely playable with all those tech hiccups. I desperately want to love it, like in a parallel universe it totally rocks… but we’re not there yet.
