Sure, here’s a re-written version in the style you requested:
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So, here I am, rambling about Oblivion Remastered and… wait, what was I saying? Right, you can eat rocks now. Seriously, mods are wild. You’re the Hero of Kvatch, the big cheese of the empire for, like, a hot second. And now you can munch on rocks. Gems too, if you’re feeling fancy.
And oh boy, here we go – remember Morrowind? That Elder Scrolls game that’s a gem itself, with all its quirks and the spears and whatnot. Bethesda, take notes, maybe? I mean, getting directions that sound like a hungover fellow pointing vaguely… classic. Anyway – sorry, where was I?
Yeah, so CephalonImp’s got this mod, “Edible Gems” – straight to the point kinda thing. Like, if a gang of teenagers biked around Cyrodiil asking if they could eat that shiny thing they found – that’s you now.
Turns stuff like rocks and ores into something like snacks, but for alchemy. You nibble on a gold nugget and—boom! It’s like drinking a cocktail of slow regret and magical vibes. Imagine the conversations: “Hey, Sheogorath, call Jamie Oliver,” followed by a burp. That’s a culinary masterpiece right there.
And who wouldn’t want courses of pearls, madness with a side of sapphire, and finishing with a bear pelt as dessert? You know, just in case you’re clearly lacking in your wild diet.
Oh, and the mod keeps things lore-friendly—which obviously is crucial when you’re snacking on stones. No more Flawless vs. Flawed drama—gems all shiny now, equally valuable. Feels like a game choice that’s hilariously smart, even if you’re not getting penalties for enjoying a rocky diet.
Anyway, make sure you lick your plate clean of gravel bits before you check out what’s happening with other modders. They’ve been up to some boundary-pushing stuff, I think. Or I might just distract myself with more rock munching. Who knows.
